Oh Jealousy…In the words of author, Margaret Atwood: “You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself.”
Jealousy is a misconception of the truth. It makes me lose my perspective of the truth and love of God. I then in turn lose trust in His ability to do what is best in any circumstance I find myself in. I would love to say that I’m not a jealous person. I used to be jealous of everyone and everything, always trying to “live up to the Jones’”. Today, not so much, but I AM suffering in silence at this very moment. I’m just going to get honest here because when I speak the lies of the enemy out loud, the coward loses his power over me. I’m going to shatter this stronghold right here and right now because I don’t want to feel this way and quite frankly it makes me sick.
I am jealous of other women that have also graduated Jacob’s Well that are already in the process of getting their children back. I’m also angry at those who choose not to be around their children full time because I would give anything to be in a position to even see mine on a regular basis (or just once for that matter). So now, not only am I jealous, but I am judging. Whew…there it is…out there for the world to see.
Now it’s time to replace the lie with God’s TRUTH and get this up off me. I first want to say that being jealous and judgmental is not in my heart and I am over the moon happy for these beautiful, strong, courageous women of God. God is moving in their lives and what a blessing! All the more reason to stomp this lie back into hell where it belongs.
James 4:2 – You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
That truth HURTS. I do ask God for what my desires are with my children and for some reason I keep taking back His power over my situation and I try to figure out ways to make it happen in my own strength. Then begins the quarrel within myself and I begin to start looking at everyone else and not myself. I forget about all the things that are going great in my life and all the blessings God is bestowing on me at breakneck speeds. I take back what I originally surrendered. And it is EXHAUSTING. My motives are not completely pure. Plain and simple. That is a hard truth.
Colossians 1:9-14 – For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious mights so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
And there it is. I am in a holding pattern so that God can continue to work on my character and I can continue to grow in Him so that I know that every good work comes from HIM ALONE and not in my own strength. Susan Brogan from Jacob’s Well said it so clearly yesterday that I nearly fell off my bed reading it. She said, “Logic never undresses in front of pain. Sometimes God digs ditches in our valleys, so bad has got to get worse because bad was just not deep enough and it was not anything you did wrong. Sometimes things need to look utterly impossible so that God can say, ‘I couldn’t do it until I knew that you saw no way on earth it could be done.’ I trust the promise but I have to survive the process.” My process is not the same as Suzie Q or Janey L. I am Julie K and God is in CONTROL of MY PAIN and MY PROCESS just like He is in control of THEIR PAIN and THEIR PROCESS. I do not want my identity as a Christian woman to be put in jeopardy because I am in the mindset of wanting what others have. Jesus gave me LIFE and FREEDOM!!! He wakes me up every morning with new mercies! When I desire something more than my relationship with God, I am saying that “it” is more important that HIM. OUCH…
Colossians 3:12-15 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
I don’t want to unpack and live in these feelings because it is poisoning my life. How do I find forgiveness in all of this? How do I look at my situation through the eyes of God and see past the hurt? If I don’t put on the behavior marked by mercy, then I won’t get mercy. If I don’t forgive, then I won’t be forgiven. If I lose patience, all hell will break loose.
You can read Colossians 1-4 about the Paul’s message to the church at Colossae at www.biblegateway.com. What a testimony to God’s favor and mercy upon us all! Join in- the discussion by posting comments or questions below and let’s do this together!! #ReadtheBible #bgbg2 #BibleGateway #newbeginnings #Colossians
To further your reading, and to dive a bit deeper, consider this from
Romans 13:9 – The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Guess what? I am stealing joy when I covet, I am murdering someone’s character when I judge them, and I am SINNING.
My new attitude??…
1 Corinthians 1:4 – I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts He has given you.