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‘My Name is Victory’ is a thorough, comprehensive look at the effects of unresolved grief through the eyes of authors Julie Keene and Lisa Daughdrill, who share from their own experiences following multiple losses in their lives. Here, these two powerful women of God tell how they each faced the heartache of pain, disappointments, and personal loss only to gain VICTORY in their lives by shattering the lies of the enemy with the Truth of God’s Word. ‘My Name is Victory’ teaches others how to recognize the lies inserted through the open wounds of a grieving heart and replace them with the Truth in order to achieve their own VICTORY!”

This book is for anyone who dares to live!

My Name is VictoryThank you to all who have endorsed, encouraged, and already purchased our book, “My Name is Victory”. It is not our intention to use this book to promote Lisa Daughdrill or Julie Keene or any Ministry in any way. This book was written to glorify One Person ONLY and that is JESUS CHRIST. HE is the only One who can heal you or save you! Anything else apart from Him, no matter how good, are merely one of many tools that He may use in the healing process.

This book is intended to shed Light on Darkness and share Truth and Hope with others in need. It discusses many dark topics that people often question alone but are afraid to ask about such as suicide, abortion, addiction & overdose, the demonic & spiritual attacks & just why the devil hates us in the first place, generational curses and even what the unpardonable sin really is.

It was written from one healed soul to another seeking, as a help tool for those who are grieving any loss or major life disappointment, but may not understand what grief really is, the stages and process of getting through it or why they feel the way they do.

This book is the result of our own losses and the destructively painful recovery that we pray others can avoid if they know the Truth, because the Truth, Jesus, is the Only One Who can set any of us FREE.

God loves you and we love you!! Keep walking!

Once you read it, we would appreciate any feedback and we welcome any questions.

We would love the opportunity to come speak at your church and/or grief group. Please contact us via email at lisa5058@gmail.com or juliekeene77@gmail.com.

This book is available on the following channels:

www.amazon.com

www.amazon.co.uk

www.amazon.de

www.amazon.fr

www.amazon.es

www.amazon.it

Now for a Sneak Peak….

CHAPTER FOUR

I lost my cat once.  My mom ran over Callie while backing out of the driveway on the way to a bridal shower.  We never made it to the bridal shower (maybe we did and I just can’t remember).  I was so overcome with that tragic loss of my little pet.  We called Daddy off the golf course that bright, sunny day, away from his beloved pastime.  I stood there in the doorway of our big home, in my frilly dress with my patent leather shoes and lace socks, with crocodile tears streaming down my face and staining the front of my smock as he packed up my friend in a small box and put her in the back of his truck to head back to the game he left behind that consumed him most weekends.  I immediately objected, “But Daddy, what about the cow birds?”  He quickly moved the box into a shed and he was off in a rush.

Late that afternoon as we stood under the clear sky, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, we buried my little friend.  The three of us, Daddy, Jessie, and myself, were huddled in the back corner of our property near the fence.  Jess and I fought back tears and prayed, “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”  Daddy rolled his eyes and headed back inside to where dinner was waiting.  As I watched his back as he walked away, I realized he was only doing his fatherly duty since mom had to deal with our sadness all day. 

Fast forward some 8+ years.  As you pass through time quickly with me, imagine a life torn; confusion, anger, and frustration all attaching themselves to us as we move through time and space.  Fear, rejection, and abandonment join in.  Doubt, worry, and self-loathing catch a ride on this crazy train.  One quick turn around a bend creates one mess after another, and BOOM…we come to a complete halt and wreck on this journey.  Beware of the whiplash as our train derails. 

It’s now August 25th, 1992, the third day of my sophomore year of high school.  Dad has come from prison only a few years before and has become a ghost of a person.  He isn’t even the same and unfortunately never will be.  We have moved from our small town and its big gossip to another town close by where a sense of freedom exists for all of us.  I’m standing outside of a new school in the pouring down rain, standing before my mom who is completely broken, the light extinguished from her once shining green eyes.  The questions immediately start inside my head as I ponder the look upon her sad face.  I seem to tower over her, being 8 inches taller than her small frame anyway, but today she looks much smaller.  She looks upon me and hesitates for a moment before speaking the words that will send a shockwave through our entire family, “There has been an accident.”  My reply, “It’s Daddy.”  She nods her head in agreement, her tears mixed with the raindrops.  I boldly say, “It wasn’t an accident, was it?  He did it himself.”  She barely nods her head as it hangs limply from her body.  My dad has just committed suicide.  Now I lay me down to sleep…

Lie #4Nothing you do can keep those you love in your life; the best grades in school, the willingness to move to a new town without complaint, good behavior, none of it matters anymore.  You are alone, left again to your own devices.

TRUTH #4 – IT IS WRITTEN: “The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed. A stronghold in times of trouble; and those who know Your name will put their trust in You. For You O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.” Psalm 9:9-10

Many times, especially when occurring during childhood, people will internalize traumatic events, whether the trauma came from words, deeds or situations, believing the lie implanted by the enemy through the event that it is all their fault.  They begin to think if they had only been different, better in some way, smarter, prettier, more lovable, more helpful, quieter, etc., then the event or the after-effects of it would have turned out differently and better too.  This is how many people end up obsessive/compulsive about perfectionism.

Here’s an example from a woman I met whose father and mother divorced when she was a very young child.  Not understanding, as any child doesn’t, the true scope of her parent’s personal lives or the internal workings of their relationship, she bought into the lie of the enemy that somehow in their divorce she was at fault.  The enemy set up the scene for her very well.  She loved her Daddy and craved his affection and attention. Her father, a young man at the time, perhaps struggling with his own identity, and as she described the fruit of his Spirit to me, seemed to lack a relationship with the Lord.  He was, by all accounts, preoccupied with his situation in life, his job, his unhappy marriage, and for whatever reasons the child did not know, she noticed that he stayed away from home more from where his wife and daughter were.  Then once the parents had made the decision to live separately and divorce, the father packs up, family life as she knows it is all suddenly over and he leaves the home, leaving the 5 year old child behind with her mother.  Immediately, abandonment and rejection and loneliness set up a new home in the child’s heart and mind.  The child only sees Daddy on scheduled weekend swap visits in HIS home now and then she is sent back at the appropriated time to her mom in THEIR home.  This goes on, mom has issues of her own that the child has to live in until the opportune time comes for enemy take out, when the little girl is 13 years old, an impressionable age for sure.  That enemy is a sly one – you have to watch him.  

So here she is, barely a teen, Dad is driving her to school one day and she is happy to be getting this father/daughter time together.  He looks over at her in what he perceives as a helpful way, but to her has been a mile marker event that cut and scarred her deeply, setting the wheels of destruction in full motion.  Her Dad, being physically fit himself, and having another child with a physical condition that caused excess weight gain, believes he is simply suggesting to her that she may want to increase her exercise more and watch the amount of food she is eating because she seems to be putting on a few pounds.  BAM! The enemy began to use every painful feeling of rejection, abandonment, loneliness, fear, self-worth lies to yell to her how she wasn’t in the past but could be now Daddy’s perfect little girl that he would love but only by starving, exercising, throwing up, taking diet drugs, laxatives, and diuretics right on into her adulthood.  From that day on the woman battled with eating disorder and her obsession with perfectionism. She not only demanded it in herself but also began holding others to her unreal expectations to the point of absolute misery and destruction, leading her to other addictions too as she tried to numb out the pain.  The shame, guilt, feelings of rejection and abandonment, as well as self-loathing continued. The harder we try to be perfect or to fabricate love where there is no love, and try to live up to the unrealistic expectations of perfectionism in ourselves or seek it in other humans, the worse the feelings of disgust and failure become.

Approval addiction is just as destructive and deadly as chemical addiction, it leads to a progressive agonizing death of the person that God created you to be.  Many times people trade one addiction for another in their quest for freedom from a certain dependency they perceive as their problem.  Many with approval addiction will begin to use other things, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, and food to try to feel better about their insecurities.  The problem is not the specific addiction. The addiction is what they are trying to use as the solution to their problem. The real root problem is always a heart issue, not a behavior.  The behavior is a result of the heart issue.  Once you identify, remove and replace the heart issue with the Truth of God’s Word by the power of the Holy Spirit in you, then the behavior will not be an issue for you any longer.  That’s what deliverance is.  Jesus Christ is the Only Way, Truth, & Life. He is the One who can give you a heart transplant to deliver you and heal you of all unrighteousness and emotional damage.

On the opposite side from Perfectionist is the “Can’t Do Anything Right So Why Try” person.  The enemy will use the same tactics to plant a lie but they feel helpless and hopeless to the point of just giving up on themselves, others, life.  They give up on even trying – “What’s the use, I can never be good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, rich enough, popular enough so why even try?”  Fears set in and some people, many beginning at the earliest ages in childhood, won’t even try to do the simplest of things for fear of failure.  They are so afraid of being embarrassed or shamed or being exposed as the failure they feel inside themselves, that they won’t try to do or learn anything new.  They get stuck in that fear and it becomes more controlling and confining until many never find success in any area of their life, especially jobs or relationships because of it.  That just confirms the lie to them even more that they are a failure and will never amount to anything. They begin to believe that no one will ever like or love them, so it’s better not to even try because if they try and fail they will be laughed at or rejected even more.  They go through life shrinking back, hiding, peeping out from behind their wall of disappointment and fear with envy at others who have the courage to step out in faith, try something different, take the risk, grow and change their lives for the better. They truly believe that the blessings in life are for others but not for them so they stay stuck in their condition, their self-imposed bondage watching their life go by.  Folks, if you want different in your life, you have to do different.  Trust God and step out from behind the wall your hiding behind. Engage in life.

Proverbs 23:7 – For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

Scripture to counter the feelings of rejection by loved ones:

Psalms 94:14

Psalm 27:10

Matthew 28:20

Isaiah 62:4

2 Corinthians 4:9

1 Peter 5:7

Psalms 37:25

Deuteronomy 4:31

Isaiah 41:17

Psalms 91:14-15

Isaiah 49:15-16

Psalms 43:5

Deuteronomy 31:6

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