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labelsI found this today as I was searching through old journals. I am in awe of how God knows exactly what we need, when we need it. The words in this scripture are painful to read, especially for those of us who KNOW what they mean because we have lived it on this earth. Godly sorrow and repentance then flood our souls as we look upon the face of the person that used to be us. Let the light back in, let healing begin again, and never hold your head down in shame. We are WORTHY, we are LOVED, and we can FIGHT TIL THE END. Tune in and keep watching. This scene is not the whole story.

2 Peter 2:17-22 – These people are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them. 18 For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of the flesh, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. 19 They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.” 20 If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. 22 Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”

I’m about to get bold, but I am not apologizing for it. This is my opinion and how I feel about my OWN walk through addiction recovery. My feelings do not express those of anyone else I know and I commend any and all who are finding their own way out of their depravity. That being said…

labels3I began my recovery process in anonymous rooms, surrounded by tradition and people who claimed over their own spirits on a daily basis that they WERE addicts or alcoholics. It never occurred to me that I could rain down blessings on myself by halting the words, “Hi, my name is Julie, and I AM an addict” and instead proclaiming, “Hi, my name is Julie, I fight from victory, and I am a redeemed and restored child of the Living King, and even when I fall I can STAND because of the mercy and love and grace poured out to me.” I had no God in my life and bringing Him into my atheist home wasn’t an option. If I couldn’t bring Him home, I couldn’t see bringing Him into my heart because it was completely foreign to me.

All I knew of my life before drugs and alchohol was religion, not relationship. My higher power in anonymous rooms then became the rooms themselves. I was religious about that, no doubt. People were staying clean, but so many were still living depraved lives; not all I must add, but some. I was barely escaping from my own hell and I was being led by people who were wrongdoers in their own flesh. I then traded those dark rooms for darker nights on the streets and darker moments in my heart and mind. I was a self-proclaimed addict and would always be one, and the label stuck.  Hi, my name is Julie, and I am an ……..  NO!  Hi, my name is Julie and I am disgustingly human, unapologetically me, and I make mistakes.  Don’t we all?

labels4Each relapse sent me careening closer to death in a shorter amount of time each go around. When I found myself under the covering and teaching of Jacob’s Well Ministries, I found a God and a Savior in Christ Jesus that was more than anything I could have ever imagined! The love and peace and knowledge that came flooding into my spirit changed the way I looked at life in general. I escaped the pollutions of the world through full awareness of the saving blood of Jesus, but I still became entangled in my flesh and my condition was worse than before. My heart was a jumbled mess on this last trip to hell and I longed to have never known about the Light of Truth. I had turned back from the Holy commandment given to me and I was broken seemingly beyond repair.

God is faithful and I am grateful for His love that never ends. It is only because of Christ that I am free today. I was a fool, I uttered my own loud boasts from pulpits designed to keep me in bondage. I enticed others to know of a higher power that had long ago been forgotten as Jesus Christ Himself through years upon years of traditions and laws that promised “freedom” without a Savior. His name was hidden behind self-liberty and I was enslaved to 12 steps and self-help.  

labels3I desire with all that I am to see other people truly set free, not stuck at a wall that is unseen but very real. The walls CAN be broken only by the wrecking ball of true salvation! No other higher power created by man can ever compare. MY gratitude speaks when I care and share with others the GOSPEL…JESUS AS SAVIOR.  Love covers a multitude and there is no greater love.