I have been struggling the past few days with feeling the pressure of front line ministry. I expected attacks, but I did not expect them to come from inside of me. I was looking for them to come from everyone else, and I continued to blame everyone else, but I was really the problem. I am so grateful to just be a part of what is taking place in the spiritual, but if I take my OWN self out, then what?!?!? Here is what I wrote the other morning as my spirit was searching for truth. I had NO IDEA that God would confirm nearly every single sentence and thought and prayer before the end of the next day through people, through music, through words read, through prayer, and through the Word of God. God is so amazing and His love for me is endless and He never ceases to amaze me. Here is a piece of my heart…
1 Samuel 13:6 (AMP) – When the men of Israel saw that they were in a tight situation – for their troops were hard pressed – they hid in caves, holes, rocks, tombs, and pits or cisterns.
I am not hiding ANYMORE. With huge blessings comes even greater opposition. So much has taken place over the past week that my head is spinning. It has been great, it’s been good,
I’m reminded that God’s will is supreme over all. He can deliver us in ways unimaginable. He can save us, even from ourselves. I am my own worst enemy. I make conscious decisions to sabotage the good right before my very eyes. With everything going on, I expect opposition; however, I did not see it coming from inside of me. I did not calculate that my own crazy thinking would have me lying down in front of my very own bus. When I allow stressful situations to get to me, my old friends come for an unwelcome visit. Paranoia is the first to arrive, wreaking havoc on my psyche. Then comes in anxiety, confusion, jealousy, anger, fear, pride (both the positive and negative connotations…YIKES!), and last but not least, doubt. I don’t know why I am surprised.
They came knocking and I opened the door. It was my choice. I was a clean vessel and the stress of my pioneer efforts opened the just a crack for these ugly spirits to come back. I can’t imagine how the American Pioneers felt. They walked into territories never before seen, stepped foot onto land already occupied by foreigners, but they continued to walk. They pushed forward. They faced persecution, arrest, natural disasters, exhaustion, and major opposition from every angle, but they walked. Where would we be if they hadn’t persevered? Where will the people coming behind ME be if I don’t persevere?
TODAY, I am taking back my land! I am pioneering to a place never before dreamed! I am sweeping out my house and filling it again with the goodness of Christ! I will not be shaken! I am a strong warrior, I am highly favored, I am a weapon against opposition! No longer will I fall under the weight of scrutiny! No longer will I lay down! I am going to the darkness to bring others out and I will not be moved! Satan has games but I’m not playing paddy cakes anymore! The land belongs to Christ and He is allowing me and my fellow brothers and sisters to lay siege to it and conquer it for generations to come. We will fly the flag of Christ and we will walk under His banner into the promised land. Today we fight. Today we reclaim what the enemy stole long ago. I’m so grateful to the people in my life who care about me enough to point out the pitfalls, who don’t allow me to fly under the radar and simply exist. They push me out of complacency and into the light of painful truth. Looking at myself before taking the jump off the cliff is absolutely necessary. If my ego jumps with me, I’m destined to perish. TODAY…I’m taking my destiny back!
To further your reading, and to dive a bit deeper, consider this from Deuteronomy 8:1-18 (NIV) – Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you. 6 Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. 7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills. 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” 18 But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.
I have a LOT of learning still to do. I am a student, but am I really willing to listen? YES! I am willing and I am able. Thank you, Lord, for showing me who I am, broken and all. Thank you for Your patience, Your love, Your grace, and Your mercy.