I had a girl at Jacob’s Well Recovery Center for Women ask me recently what it was like to have to come back into the program a second time after my near fatal relapse.
This is what I said, “Do you remember making mud pies as a kid and no matter how bad it tasted, you were going to eat it anyway only because of the pride you had and the effort it took in making it?”
Her reply, “Absolutely!”
I stated, “Humble pie tastes a lot like a mud pie. It is grainy, it goes down gritty, is tasteless, and no amount of pretending can turn it into a delicious chocolate dream. However, I had to eat it because I made that pie when I chose to do what I did to lead me back into these chairs. I had to come back and profess to know nothing, even though I thought I knew everything.”
No one wants to admit when they are wrong (well…maybe some people do…I still struggle). I seem to always need to have the last word and in all honesty I cannot stand to be corrected or rebuked for behavior that I thought was completely necessary in the moment. But it’s absolutely paramount for me to shut my big mouth and listen to godly counsel when things are obviously chaotic and confusing due to my own compromises. I listen to my own voice as it is raised in defense and wonder who I even am and then I wonder if the person on the receiving end is fed up enough with me yet to just walk on out. Pride and arrogance are not my friends.
Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
I am so very grateful for the people in my life who stand on the watchtower and warn me when I am becoming too full of myself. Those who point out the pitfalls before I step in and make camp. The chosen few who don’t put up with my crap when I am throwing it every which way but up.
Newsflash: I do not know everything!
I thank God for making me new, clothing me in peace, hemming me in on all sides so that even on days when I forget who He says I am and revert back to my old ways, I can look up and know that He sustains me.