Compounding on the last post about my not so nice companion, Paranoia, I dove deeper into my feelings that are never a good compass:
2 Samuel 7:18-19, 28-29 (NIV) – Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said: “Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? 19 And as if this were not enough in your sight, Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant—and this decree, Sovereign Lord, is for a mere human!”
28 Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. 29 Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, Sovereign Lord, have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever.”
I was recently put in a different type of leadership position, one I wasn’t mentally prepared for, and one I didn’t seek God’s face in. The battle in my mind ensued and I opened the door (meaning I MADE A CHOICE) and allowed things to settle in my spirit that didn’t belong. I gave myself over to the enemy; hook, line, and sinker. Feelings of worthlessness, fear, worry about what others were thinking, anxiety, and paranoia took over and I then forgot to pray. I turned off the switch to my power source and sank into oblivion. I was afraid to ask anyone to do anything, I felt like everyone was talking about me, and then I realized that this crippling affect happens every single time God promotes me. Why can’t I get THAT memo? I then dove head first into “work mode” and forgot to love others. Compassion flew out the window with the wind.
You know, in reading about David in 2 Samuel, I have come to see that God forgives, He doesn’t hold grudges, and He promotes for His glory, not mine. David was a sinner, through and through, but he was a man after God’s own heart.
David pleased the people of Israel because he tried to please GOD. THAT is where the light in me and the leadership should come from. The praise of people isn’t important. Striving to do right in the eyes of God is what will earn respect and trust. Each time I show generousity and compassion, my character is strengthend and good decisions are made without thought. My feelings are NOT a reliable guide for moving through life.
Boy, am I grateful for those who see me acting out, but they don’t discount me. Today is a new day. The Lord’s mercy and grace are brand new. Thank you, Lord, for another chance to get it right in YOUR eyes. I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. Lord, continue to show me Your way.