Sometimes I think things to death. I analyze every thought regarding a situation, turning it over and over in my brain in an attempt to make it all fit. I start looking at it from every angle and from different viewpoints to the point where I can’t distinguish my voice from God’s voice from satan’s voice. I begin to start asking myself a million questions only to be given answers…by myself.
Ezra 8:21-23 (MSG) – 21-22 I proclaimed a fast there beside the Ahava Canal, a fast to humble ourselves before our God and pray for wise guidance for our journey—all our people and possessions. I was embarrassed to ask the king for a cavalry bodyguard to protect us from bandits on the road. We had just told the king, “Our God lovingly looks after all those who seek him, but turns away in disgust from those who leave him.” 23 So we fasted and prayed about these concerns. And he listened.
A situation happened recently, in the middle of a fast, when out of the blue one conversation opened my eyes to a completely foreign perspective and the floodgates flew open. Instead of asking God for guidance and direction right away, I used my measly flesh between my ears and stumbled through thought after thought, question after question, trying to make sense of it all.
Faith and Reason then went on a journey with me, something they should never do…together. Reason told me logically the course of action and that I should stay put. Faith led me along the rugged path, pushing me into realms unseen and showed me promises along the way. Reason told me to make a pros/cons list, Faith told me to step out even though it seemed impossible. Reason told me to settle for the easy road, Faith told me to take the road less traveled and to never give up.
I pray that God will find a way to distinguish His voice from all the other chatter. In the meantime, I will claim that there is no way I can make this trip without Him. I need His protection. I know what God’s promise is for me and I know that it doesn’t include allowing any human to put themselves in position to be a roadblock. God blessed me with people in my life and entrusted them to my care and being selfish and bowing out isn’t on the docket for me, not today. Everything from Him is for His use and if I move on then I am essentially taking for granted His precious gifts.
Isaiah 61:7 (NIV) – Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
Everlasting joy AND a double portion in place of my disgrace? Sign me up! I believe I will follow Faith on this journey down the road. It may eventually lead me to the place where Reason took a detour, but for today I am ok with the questions that are looming, unanswered. The road is long, the journey difficult at best. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Psalm 5:8 (AMP) – Lead me, O Lord, in Your righteousness because of my enemies; make Your way level (straight and right) before my face.