From my journal entry 7/1/14 – God sees me in terms of what I will become and not just what I am right now. Right now I am an emotional, guilt-ridden, shameful woman in the shape of a lump of clay. God see me differently and that became evident as I sat and listened to His voice. The Tilghman’s came today. I love them so very much and I was so grateful to be held by them, spiritually and physically, especially after this relapse that landed me back in the padded chair at my beloved home called Jacob’s Well. We had an opportunity to chit-chat about everything that took place prior to my going back to the street. There were a lot of tears, then the Lord came in. As I was sitting in an attitude of prayer, I began to feel squeezed. I felt the pressure from all sides as if in a cocoon. I was surrounded by darkness and regardless of the pressure I was feeling, I felt safe. There was a constant “whooshing sound” that calmed my nerves as the pressure on my body increased. The Glory of the Lord was coming through in a magnificent light up and to my left in a small crack that permeated the darkness of my quiet cell of existence. I was ok. I was safe. I was secure. And I was perfectly content even though the squeezing of every muscle in my body was almost too much to bear. Before I could even express my discomfort, the words, “Be still, be quiet, rest, you are my beautiful teacup”, came flashing through my spirit. At that exact moment, without knowing at all what was taking place in the spiritual realms around me, Pastor Tilghman spoke up and read something to me as the words of my Lord were still processing.
There was a couple who took a trip to England to shop in a beautiful antique store to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked “May we see that? We’ve never seen a cup quite so beautiful.” As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, “You don’t understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay.
My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, “Don’t do that.” “I don’t like it!” “Let me alone,” but he only smiled, and gently said; “Not yet!”
Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. “Stop it I’m getting so dizzy I’m going to be sick!”, I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; ‘Not yet.’
He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then… Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.” Help! Get me out of here!” I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, ‘Not yet’.
When I thought I couldn’t bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on he shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! “Ah, this is much better,” I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. ‘Oh, please; Stop it, Stop it!! I cried. He only shook his head and said. ‘Not yet!’.
Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering “What’s he going to do to me next?” An hour later he handed me a mirror and said ‘Look at yourself.’ And I did. I said, ‘That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful!”
Quietly he spoke: “I want you to remember, then, he said, ‘I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you wouldn’t have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.”
Ezekiel 18:31-32 (NIV) – Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heartand a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? 32 For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!
I am being molded. I am in the fire. I will come out even more beautiful on the other side. The crack of Light was God checking on His masterpiece. I just need more time. I am here to be molded and shaped into His beautiful creation. He will hand me my mirror at the end of all of this and I will be able to catch a glimpse of my new self!
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 (NIV) – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.