Days for me lately are pretty intense. Some days I want to throw my hands in the air and say, “ENOUGH ALREADY!”. Some days I want to hide in my room under the covers and wish the day away. Some times I just want to go without speaking a word to anyone. Some days I can’t stop shaking, and I can’t stop crying. Some days are so painful. And then I found out why. My deliverance is on the horizon and Satan wants me on the plank and jumping into shark infested waters before that happens.
Ephesians 6:12 – For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
God speaks to me. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS LISTEN. Listen to His voice, slow down my thinking, and pay attention to who HE is telling me I am. I came to the realization that it isn’t all about me. God knows what He is doing and sometimes it’s none of my business. Even if it is horrible at the time, like losing a parent to prison or to suicide, He works all things out for His good. I look at my life when my 1st dad was around. It was chaotic, it was stressful, I hardly ever saw him. I wonder what my life would have been like had he lived. Not just for me, but for the rest of my family. I was 15 years old when he died. I took his death, victimized myself, and CHOSE to walk a different path. I didn’t see the big picture. My mom is so happy today. I have an amazing dad who loves me very much and would do anything for me and my sister and his two daughters. He is a provider. He isn’t selfish. He loves the Lord with all his heart. And he adores my mom. The reason I fell apart from my family was MY choice. From my family, from my ex-husband, from my own children, all because I was the victim and I was stuck in Satan’s lies. THE LORD ALLOWED THINGS TO TAKE PLACE SO THAT IN THE END I WOULD GLORIFY HIM THROUGH IT. Before deliverance can take place, I have to take full responsibility for my OWN actions and the sins that I get stuck in, however they came to be.
The test hurts, and I was in a test for a long time. But it is now my TESTIMONY!!! Jesus will never forsake me in my weakness. He will never leave me. Even when I was making bad choices and near death, He was with me. It was the things I was holding onto that were keeping me sick.
This is what I hold onto today:
Romans 8:28-38 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died – more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” NO, IN ALL THESE THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM WHO LOVED US. FOR I AM CONVINCED THAT NEITHER DEATH NOR LIFE, NEITHER ANGELS NOR DEMONS, NEITHER THE PRESENT NOR THE FUTURE, NOR ANY POWERS, NEITHER HEIGHT NOR DEPTH, NOR ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION, WILL BE ABLE TO SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD THAT IS IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD.
On the days of deliverance, I am set free. I see the truth. I hear the Lord tell me that I have a purpose. That He was turning every bad circumstance in my life around for His good. He knew me before I was born and even knitted me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). He knew every bad thing that would happen to me and every bad choice I would make. I have a new mind-set and a new perspective, now. I learned to accept, not resent, pain and persecution. He has always known me and His love has never failed. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be separated from Christ!! When I choose to listen to HIM alone, I am then called out of my pit of shame, guilt, and remorse, and into the loving arms of the ONLY ONE who can save me from myself. Today I can say that I am GRATEFUL for ALL of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly!! I finally chose to put the past where it belongs and stop fighting a battle that was never mine to fight.