Leviticus 26:11 (HCSB) – I will place My residence among you, and I will not reject you.
I struggle against the spirit of Rejection on a pretty regular basis and I’m sick of it. All the rest of the nasty spirits take a mini-vacation when Rejection comes onto the scene. They are small in comparison to this huge monster. Rejection attacks the very person that I am and the person that God is attempting to mold and shape. It destroys my self esteem and attacks my purpose. It causes me to wear masks and become someone I am not in order to feel accepted. When I am in DEEP feelings of rejection, I end up rejecting others so that I beat myself to the punch before someone else has the opportunity to hurt me. It’s the worst form of self-sabatoge. It’s that jacked up “Get Them Before They Get Me” mentality.
Some other things rooted in Rejection? Stubbornness (who, ME?), worthlessness, fear of confrontation, the need to be “right”, jealousy, abandonment, blame…and it all comes from PRIDE.
P – Paranoia
R – Rebellion and Rejection
I – Insecurity
D – “Co” Dependency
E – Envy
I witnessed something recently that rocked me to my core. With new eyes given to me, I was able to soar high above the situation and look at MYSELF in another person from 30,000 feet. What I saw through the clouds threw me for a loop. Not so long ago, my own attempt at self-inflicted pain and death because of the overwhelming spirit of Rejection and Abandonment didn’t work. When I woke up in a hospital, I still felt like the world owed me something, that everyone else was to blame. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live when I almost lost my life to prove a point to people who really didn’t matter, to make others around me pay for my own messed up behaviors and way of thinking.
In seeing first hand a similar situation lately, I saw myself and godly sorrow flooded my soul. It finally hit me, after many long years, the wrongs that I bestowed on others, the short changing they had to endure only because they loved me, they terrible pain inflicted on them because I couldn’t get it together. My heart then broke for the ones who stood by me through it all and through their own loss of understanding, for the ones who left because they couldn’t handle me and they were only trying to protect themselves, for the ones whose hearts I shattered. In that moment of reflection, in the middle of a dire situation, being on the other side of THAT pain, I hurt as I looked through time and space at myself, at who I once was.
There is GOOD NEWS…
There IS a way to combat those feelings of rejection before it spirals out of control and threatens everything I have worked so hard for. I’m talking to myself here:
Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV) – For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
It starts in my own heart, my own mind, my own actions that broadcast for me the very thing I am trying so desperately to hide.
John 1:11 (NLT) – He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.
Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIV) – For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
I must repent before the throne of God and stop placing blame. I have to be willing to surrender all bitterness and hatred, even if it IS justified. Forgiveness MUST be explicit and specific and negative thoughts MUST be taken captive if I am to walk in true freedom from this monstrosity. First I have to see that I AM THE PROBLEM when Rejection takes hold. Sometimes I allow these things into my spirit so that I CAN feel the pain, just to know that I am still alive. It may sound ridiculous to some people, but try being me for just a minute, try walking in my shoes for only a moment, and then you will know how comfortable pain really is. However, it’s NOT what I want for myself any longer, especially after being a first hand witness to the horrific consequences of our painful decisions.
Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV) – You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Easier said than done, but hey…it’s outlined right there. The Truth is THE WORD OF GOD. I, and you, were hand picked by God and put on this earth to serve HIS purpose, not the purpose of failing humans. We don’t have time to waste wallowing around in self-doubt, self-pity, pride, and fear ANYMORE. If you are feeling rejected, as am I a bit some days, pray and seek His face and get into His Word. You are not alone…You are LOVED, and you are WORTHY. Stop going around the mountain. That portion of the show is OVER.