Psalm 143: 7-12 (MSG) – If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice, I’ll go to sleep each night trusting in you. Point out the road I must travel; I’m all ears, all eyes before you. Save me from my enemies, God—you’re my only hope! Teach me how to live to please you, because you’re my God. Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland. 11-12 Keep up your reputation, God—give me life! In your justice, get me out of this trouble! In your great love, vanquish my enemies; make a clean sweep of those who harass me. And why? Because I’m your servant.
So, the question was posed to me the other day, “Are you, ‘like’, a nun?” That question rendered me speechless. It took me a hot minute to answer such an intense inquiry. Needless to say, I laughed about it for the rest of the day.
You know, I feel like David. I was minding my own business, tackling the mountain lion and the bear that came around from unsuspecting corners. I was ostracized by loved ones who long ago decided “enough was enough”, ridiculed by others, and I led a life where I felt I was always trying to prove a point to society. I existed for my own purpose, and not God’s. Granted…I had God in my life, I was a student of Living Word, Jesus reigned in my heart, and I was doing the best (I thought) with what I had. Then…God called me out of a very broken state, anointed my head with oil, and pushed me smack dab into full time ministry.
1 Samuel 16:6-7, 11-13 (NIV) – 6 When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord.” 7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 11 So he asked Jesse, “Are these all the sons you have?” “There is still the youngest,” Jesse answered. “He is tending the sheep.” Samuel said, “Send for him; we will not sit down until he arrives.” 12 So he sent for him and had him brought in. He was glowing with health and had a fine appearance and handsome features. Then the Lord said, “Rise and anoint him; this is the one.” 13 So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David.
Today I live, breathe, and eat Jacob’s Well Ministries (www.jacobswellrecoverycenter.com). It absolutely gets lonely, even in a house full of 40+ women. My trips to the grocery store are the highlight of my week. Exhaustion desires to take me out on a daily basis. Doubt and insecurity lurk behind closed doors. But GOD has called me into His service and there is no other place on the planet I would rather be.
Like David, I lived large and passionately. Everything I did was to the fullest extent. There was no grey area in my life, even when I was stuck in deep sin. However, today, I don’t offer excuses when confronted with the craziness of who I used to be. Today, I take responsibility for my failures (and I do still fail). I’m stubborn at times, loud at times, a bit obnoxious to some folks, I can be a tad overbearing, somewhat insensitive, and passionate about every single contemplation laid before me. But I AM a woman after God’s own heart.
Acts 13:22 (NIV) – After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’
I will do everything God wants ME to do. Am I a nun? Not in the least, but I am a willing servant of the Most High God, and I am afforded the amazing opportunity to witness miracle upon miracle on a daily basis and watch the Light come on in women who were otherwise lost to the world and sin. Call me what you will…BLESSED is a very good word.