Every time I have ever been to a treatment facility, I went in with a plan. I was always there to please someone else and my plan was to always fake it until I made it, get a good grade, and get out of there…quickly. Granted, there were times in my life where being clean and staying clean were a top priority, but never for the right reasons. I never recognized my true weaknesses: trying to get ahead of others, being jealous of what others had, putting too much stock in temporary benefits, and always seeking approval of others.
That is exactly what Satan wanted. If I fake it until I make it, then I will be sure to throw myself back into the pit of guilt, shame, and remorse and start all over again where I left off. A shooting star only lasts for a brief moment before it falls again. I went into most of those treatment centers with an attitude of “I’ve got this, I’m better than these people!”. And that is truly how I felt at Jacob’s Well, too…until I realized…I have believed that from the beginning but there has always been a nagging voice telling me that I was full of it and I listened to that voice. This morning, I learned to accept myself where I am and I am choosing today not to focus on how far I have to go, only in how far I have come. I will no longer compare myself to others. My situation is mine and it is grave unless I finally make a choice to do something different. I am not weak, so I don’t need to fake ANYTHING. I have lost my entire life, only to regain it in Christ Jesus!!
Romans 12:9 – Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
I wasn’t willing to give up ANYTHING. It was taken from me because of my bad choices. I was forced to loosen my grip on earthly rewards because there was nothing left to hold onto. I had given it all away for my own selfish desires. It was then that I became truly free. Free to follow Christ. I went to last place. I stopped trying to be at the top of the ladder (most days that was a REAL struggle for me), and I started truly following Jesus. I became willing to make sacrifices for greater rewards later, even if they DIDN’T come when I thought they should.
Matthew 19:30 – But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
I have God’s approval and that is all I need! God will give me favor with Him and with others if I will just do things His way. NO MORE FAKING IT. Jesus is the real deal and He is the only way to achieve true peace and happiness!