I’m struggling. This time of year is proving to be a bit tough. Things seem dark even though I know for sure that I walk in Light. I’m fleeing from my past and running full speed ahead away from the fear and oppression; however, running away from the comfortable existence I had prior to coming back to Jacob’s Well is proving to be very uncomfortable. Why is it that we get comfortable in our chains? Why is it so hard to cut them off and move on when our own jail cell is locked from the inside and we hold the key? I tell myself all the time that I am running TOWARD something, but I’m also running AWAY. Am I doing it out of fear, or am I doing it on faith? Before long, the chains of my slavery far behind me, the absolute unknown directly ahead of me, I hit a road block.
Exodus 14:19-22 (NIV) – Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel’s army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, 20 coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long. 21 Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided 22 and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
The angel of the Lord has separated the sides of my life. One side is darkness, along with what seems like righteous indignation thrown in with justifiable anger mixed with a lot of mistruths and deception, all of which get thrown at me from a person I once loved. The other side is light mixed with a bit of insecurity, fear of the unknown, doubt, but ultimate victory in Christ. The angel of the Lord is standing between my camps and I have to choose. Here’s the thing, I have a few kinks that still need to be worked out. God is still teaching me how to live. I have been yoked and bound by “co-dependency” for so long that I don’t know what real freedom looks like My “normal” has changed drastically. I’m leaving behind the chains of oppression in my Egypt on my way to the Promised Land, yet as I stand in the light, darkness is still there. Here’s what is happening in the darkness as I wait under the cover of night: The real work of God is underway when things seem this sad and bleak, when my patience is worn thin, when my flesh is attempting to find it’s own resolution, when I find myself unable to deal with the unexpected, when my mind drifts to memories which overshadow the good things of God, when I send emails that shouldn’t be sent, make phone calls that shouldn’t be made, choose anger over love and forgivness, the LORD IS AT WORK.
“All that night”, the Bible says the Lord drove back the sea. It’s what happens in the dark, in the waiting, in the hope, the Lord moves and makes a way in the wilderness. He is working through this night in my life and creating a dry, straight path for me to cross over, leaving the oppression behind forever, but I have to let Him work.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.