Gosh, how many times did I actually hit rock bottom? Too many to count. Everyone has a different bottom depending on which pit they fell into, how they got there, and what it means for them to be stuck. Me? I jumped into my pits head first, knowing exactly what I would find at the bottom. Sure, I loved to blame others for pushing me in. In doing so, I bought myself some time so I could hang out down there and start decorating my mud walls and making it “home”. By the time I felt like I had enough, I would beg someone to pull me out and dust me off only to go jump right back in when it got too hard and the clarity of my mind became clouded with doubt, insecurity, oppression, fear, guilt, shame, remorse, and good ole self-loathing. I should have built a diving board on the side of my pit so at least I could practice my slick beautiful moves and at least TRY to look good jumping into that despair that always waited for me at the bottom. A swan dive is much prettier than a belly flop but both have the same result. They both land me in a strangely comfortable place….ROCK BOTTOM. Why the bottom of that pit was comfortable is still a mystery some days, but it’s all I knew to do. It’s called hitting the default button. Times get tough so it’s time to check on out.
Here is what I DIDN’T know. There is a trap door in the bottom of the pit put there by the enemy. Before long in the pit, boredom will set in for me and I will go on a hunt for new adventure (as if my current adventure isn’t destructive enough). I find the trap door of temptation and hop right in to a much dirtier, much darker place with no comfort at all, no curtains to hang here, no pictures on the wall. It takes a lot more effort, but I eventually get out. The next time I jump in I go straight through THAT door, through another, then another, and ANOTHER. My rock bottom became so low that I can’t even see a sliver of light. No hope.
Psalm 7:15 (NASB) – He has dug a pit and hollowed it out, and has fallen into the hole which he made.
I didn’t under the concept of taking responsibility for my own actions. I didn’t want to admit that I loved the pit. But God says He has always gone before me. He has never left me. Even when I was lost to sin and a foot soldier for the enemy, God was with me. I CHOSE to jump into my pits. I CHOSE to disobey and then call out to God from rock bottom. I did that AFTER I jumped in and not before. One of the greatest lessons I have learned in all of this is to reach out BEFORE taking my Olympic game worthy leap into the pit.
Genesis 26:25 – Isaac built an altar there and called on the name of the Lord. There he pitched his tent, and there his servants dug a well.
Dig your well and not a pit, nourish yourself for once from the living water God gave you. Pitch your tent and CALL ON GOD!! Don’t jump in. It’s a wet, cold, dark, musty place and it isn’t your home!! Obey God no matter what everyone else is doing or saying. His voice and opinion is the only One that matters!